im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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