I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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