he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
