I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
