Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
