you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
