I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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