Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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