so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
