i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
