Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Randomize
