Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
