I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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