I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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