I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
