I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
