In the future we'll all be gay
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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