I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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