this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
