Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
