that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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