So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
