i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
