foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
