Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
