when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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