i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
