Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
There's even glitter on my cock...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
