it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
