Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
