I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
