Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
