her vagine was all disorganized.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
