do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
