Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
