My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
