brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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