Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize