her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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