I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i out mim tonsoeep
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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