There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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