This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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