im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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