I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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