paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
