We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i drank out of a bidet.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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