I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
