Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize