we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
