So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
