i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
What drink are we having for lunch?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
