Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
