he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
