You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
