Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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