So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize