Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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