he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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