wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
