Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
