some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
